Open Book

A friend and colleague of mine shared her story of her two miscarriages on Facebook today. Not for self-pity, not for attention but to share her grief and story to maybe help someone else going through the same thing.

& that same person helped me when I needed it the most.

As many of you know, March is a beautiful but hard month for me.

In March of 2016 I lost my first baby very early on in my pregnancy and I had a doctor who was not empathetic towards my loss.

Then in March 2017 I was diagnosed with endometriosis, had surgery and started my infertility journey.

& in March 2018 came the beautiful part.

On March 30th at 00:00 and 01:35 I welcomed my beautiful twins.

Just over 2 years from my loss, I was blessed with two beautiful babies who will now be 3 this month.

& then I was blessed again in 2019 with my last baby.

Both journeys were hard.

Both journeys had ups, downs and a lot of in between.

But it was so worth it.

So I must thank those who opened up to me.

Without you, without your stories, I may not be a mother of three.

I may have given up.

& I may have never opened up about my journey.

So THANK YOU to you all.

Whether it be opening up about your story or just reading mine. ❤️

#infertility #miscarriage #mystory

Saving Pregnancy Tests

Every few weeks I still look at my pregnancy test that I took back in March… Yes, I am ones of those woman who save it…

It just still doesn’t feel real. Even though I am huge, uncomfortable, feel him kick constantly and almost in my 3rd trimester, the “pregnant” showing on my test still makes me smile.

For some reason, that test reminds me that it is real.

Maybe it’s because we miscarried once? Maybe it’s because we tried for so long with no positive? Or maybe it’s because this time it was so easy to get pregnant?

I may never think that this is 100% real… Some days I still can’t believe that I am actually a mother. But I am always so grateful looking at that test and I will be sad (again) once the display dies and it no longer shows me those amazing letters,

Pregnant.

❤️

Miscarriage

Today I have a saddened heart for all those mamas who never got to meet their babies.

Whether it be a 4 week loss or a 34 week loss, it hurts and we all need time to heal.

Myself included.

March has turned into a happy month for my husband and I. We gave birth to our twins last year on March 30th and found out we were pregnant again on March 8th of this year. But it didn’t start that way.

In March of 2016 we believed we were pregnant for the first time. Sadly our doctor at the time wouldn’t do a blood test to check because it was “too early”. A few days later, I had a sharp pain in my pelvis, got white as a ghost and got super hot. Luckily I was at work and a doctor I worked with told me I either had an ovarian cyst rupture or I just had a miscarriage. The next day I started bleeding. I kept going back and forth about what it was. Was I actually pregnant or was it an ovarian cyst? I didn’t know, until a year later.

In March of 2017 I was diagnosed with infertility. & I got my confirmation. With being infertile, they check your female reproductive organs thoroughly. My doctor told me that I had no signs of having ovarian cysts. Ever. So she believed it was an early miscarriage that I had experienced just a year before.

It was a hard day. Infertility. Miscarriage.

But we never gave up. & thank god we didn’t.

However some days are still hard. Today is one of those days. So let’s remember the mamas fighting bad days. Let’s remember the babies that were never born.

They are never forgotten and always loved, no matter how little they once were. ❤️

#miscarriage #1in4 #pregnancyloss #itsokaytotalkabout #healinghearts