Listen to Your Gut

I have learned in the last year to listen to my gut.

In October, I knew something was wrong with my unborn child. I had no fetal movement and because I listened to my gut, I now have a 7 month old.

In May, I had knee surgery and the last two days my pain has been unbearable. I talked to my Physical Therapist and my Doctor and both said it was most likely due to overdoing it at PT. But I listened to my gut and came in. & the ER doctor is glad I did as I have a blood clot.

Listen to your gut.

If you think something is wrong, get it looked at. If you think something is a bad idea, don’t do it.

This is god TELLING you something isn’t right. Or if you aren’t religious, it’s your gut or subconscious, whichever you prefer.

But thank you god, subconscious, gut for telling me to go in today and in October.

BOTH times, could have potentially saved a life.

& for that I am grateful.

But maybe not for this DVT 😒

Always watching

They are always watching.

& lately I have been seeing it first hand multiple times a day with my 2 year olds.

But today hit hard.

If you don’t know me or haven’t read some of my other blog posts, I am a type 1 diabetic.

I check my blood sugars 2-4 times a day.

& today, my daughter took my meter and put her finger up to it like she was testing her blood sugar. (I pray to god she never has to do it in real life)

It was eye opening.

They are always watching.

& in our current state of our nation, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to look at what we are teaching our kids.

Please make sure you’re teaching them the best. Because I know I’m trying.

Bubbles

As I lay here watching my youngest son blow bubbles and grab his feet, I go back to the day or the days that I almost lost him.

From day 0 to day 14, we didn’t know if our son would survive.

It was the scariest 2 weeks of my life and it still haunts me to this day.

Yes, he is here. Yes, he is almost entirely healthy (besides his heart). & yes, he is happy (obviously – he’s blowing bubbles).

But I have PTSD.

Some days it makes me cry thinking about how I almost lost him. Some days it makes me think of all the possible ways that I could still lose him or his siblings. & it’s scares me.

It takes me back to the NICU.

The place that I will NEVER go back.

The reason we are NEVER having more kids.

Where all 3 of my babies fought.

& where my nightmare began.

I am so thankful that all 3 of my babies are here with me. I am so thankful that they each have each other to grow up with. I am so thankful my sons have a sister and that my daughter has two brothers.

Because I don’t know what I would have done if I would have lost any one of them.

& that thought alone breaks me.

I know we got lucky. I know god was watching over for us.

But that doesn’t take away the pain or the heartache. Or the memories.

I hope no one I love goes through the hell we went through.

Because I don’t think I’ll ever be the same because of it.

#nicu #nicubabies #chd #ptsd